**Disclaimer - this is graphic, but I want to remember every little detail.
In the last few weeks of my pregnancy, I was dealing with high blood pressure that was categorized with gestational hypertension. For my health and Maddie Jane's, the doctor decided to induce me at what is considered full term in the medical field - 37 weeks. Here is the last picture we took leaving our apartment on Sunday, November 29th. We went to Jamba Juice (something I STILL cannot get enough of) and then headed to the hospital for our 10am appointment.
My blood pressure was checked (it was sky high) and they checked my cervix. I was only 1cm, so they proceeded with the induction (a small pill that is inserted..) around 11am. About an hour later, I started having regular contractions 1-2 minutes apart. My aunt from Arizona picked my mom up from the airport and then Paige arrived around noon. Four hours after the initial medication, I was checked and still only at 1cm, but because my body was naturally going into labor, they did not give me any further medications. The contractions were just uncomfortable (not painful) until about 6pm. After walking several laps around the hospital, they were starting to come on strong and take my breath away. I still was not dilating around 10pm so I decided to send mom, Denise, and Paige home to rest thinking it was going to be a longggg time before giving birth.
Of course the second they walked out the door (along with AJ to grab something out of the car), my water broke. I was jumping for joy.. I was so proud of my body for doing what it was supposed to do. But the pain got REAL.. REAL FAST. I could no longer breathe through the contractions and I was begging for pain medication. They gave me morphine and it didn't even touch it. These kind of contractions rock through your entire body.. I felt like I was dying. By now I was dilated to 4cm, so they relocated me to a different room and finally gave me the epidural. (Side note: the epidural is the easiest thing in the world when you're in that much pain.. like laughable easy.) The epidural only worked on one side of my body, so they had to come back and do it again. And then it was sweet, sweet relief. I felt like a million dollars. Finally I was able to get some rest and drifted in and out of sleep over the next two hours in between my contractions coming a minute apart. They checked me again at 2am and I had gone from 4 to 10cm! They said we would be pushing in the next hour. I frantically texted mom to get to the hospital ASAP.
I started pushing around 3 am.. at first I felt like it was a joke. Pushing wasn't hard at all. Every time I had a contraction I would push.. But then three hours later.. I was still pushing. Exhaustion had set in and things weren't quite feeling like a joke anymore. My contractions were coming on top of each other and I was in and out of consciousness. I was throwing up from the pain and losing stamina by the minute. She was sunny side up and stuck in my birth canal.. the doctor's decided we needed to use the vacuum.. They called in a pediatrics team just for precaution and got us ready. With a few pushes, the vacuum popped off. After re-atachment and several pushes later, Maddie Jane made her way into this world at 6:36am.
And then I heard nothing.. it was a deafening silence that was coming from my child that I will never forget. I didn't have that moment of them putting her on my chest.. I didn't have the doctor's welcoming her into the world saying "It's a girl!".. there was just silence. The two longest minutes of my life.. that I would never ever wish on my worst enemy. Finally they were able to suction her lungs and let me hold her for one split second before whisking her off to the NICU.
AJ was so torn, but I begged him to go be with her in the NICU. It took over two hours of me being stitched up and cleaned up before I could get to her. It was awful... AJ sent me this picture of my tiny baby girl hooked up to wires without her Mama.
FINALLY seeing my girl. Oh I cried and cried. I was so thankful she was okay. I have never been so humbled as I was in that moment.. thanking God for this amazing blessing. Seeing so many babies around us so much worse off. Thanking Jesus for giving us this problem.. we could handle this problem. Thank you for my girl, thank you for life. Oh the tears and the prayers and the praises.. I am really just struggling for any more words to describe this moment..
I was moved into a room to rest and went back and forth to the NICU every two hours to feed. Maddie was on oxygen for her lungs and had an IV for her blood sugar. Every time it was so hard leaving her.. but every time we came back, we could tell she was getting healthier and stronger. The strength you find deep down to deal with all of this is insane. I was in pain and dealing with the yuckiness of postpartum care, but I was on a one track mind of taking care of my girl.
Thankfully I had Mom, Paige and AJ to keep me company back in the room to pass the hours in between. AND Mom surprised me with an Elaine Burge painting of my wedding flowers. Along with a little note about Maddie being planned even on that day. A gift I will treasure forever!!
After two days in the NICU, Maddie Jane was cleared to come to our room! It was the best feeling ever finally getting to snuggle her without all the wires and keep her on my chest for as long as I wanted. We were FINALLY a family. Life was so, SO good.
Here is a picture of her poor head from the vacuum they had to use twice..
But all ugly bruises can be covered up with a huge bow :)
And all was finally right in our world..
Our last night in the hospital was spent having Maddie's feet poked every hour to test her blood sugar. It was an awful experience and we were desperate to just get out of there.. None of us had slept or ate and we were OVER THE MOON when we received our discharge orders. Our birth story is not what I had expected or prepared myself for. I had such an easy pregnancy until the end, and thought I would have a textbook birth to top it off. It was hours and hours of the worst pain of my life, but I would do it a million times over for my girl. She is the light of our lives and makes our family complete. I never knew a love like the love I have for sweet Maddie Jane..
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