This past month has simultaneously felt like the shortest and longest month of my life. How in the world can my little girl already be a month old yet it feel like we were at the hospital light years ago. Maddie Jane has rocked our world.. She has brought a new perspective to every aspect of our lives. Being a parent is everything and absolutely nothing like I thought it would be all at the same time.. I struggle with words as to how this last month has gone, but let's give it a try..
I won't sugar coat it and say this past month has been rainbows and butterflies.. in fact it has probably been the hardest month my life. Meeting this tiny human who was inside of me for 9 months.. the world telling me I'm supposed to instantly fall in love.. doctors ripping her away the second she is born.. doctors appointments on top of doctors appointments.. crying spells for me.. screaming spells for her.. those postpartum emotions y'all... they hit you like a rock.. I struggled and agonized over the decisions we had to make.. And so much guilt.. I blamed myself for all her health issues. I mourned her not being inside me.. I cried at the sight of my body.. I ached for sleep and normalcy.
And with all that said, I would move mountains for her.. I would take bullet. Looking into her eyes and knowing she is mine.. Looking at that little face and seeing my husband all over it.. HOLY COW. It's mind blowing to know that we were chosen to be her parents. This little life was fearfully and wonderfully made.. and had she been "made" a split second sooner or later, she would be a totally different human. She's our Maddie girl and we are SO blessed to be her parents. So let me tell you how our nugget is doing after 1 whole month of life!
EAT
At the hospital she immediately latched, my milk came in super fast and we were doing great with breast feeding. However, she was soo tiny and the doctors were concerned she was having to work too hard to eat. They suggested I mostly pump and feed her with a bottle so she could start packing on the pounds. This worked really well for a week or so until her appetite started increasing and I still could barely muster a few bites at each meal. My supply was diminishing and her demand was quickly increasing, so I had to make the insanely hard decision to switch to formula at 3 weeks. Thank goodness she immediately took to the formula. (I was having a lot harder time accepting it than she was! Yet another thing I had to "mourn".. it was a tough pill to swallow.. not being the main source for her.. feeling like a failure..) Now she is eating great! She has 3-4 oz every 2-3 hours. We are a little concerned she may have a milk allergy .. or maybe it's just colic. We are keeping an eye on that for now..
SLEEP
What even is sleep?? AJ and I sure do not know. Maddie girl sleeps like a ROCK during the day. She will sleep anywhere.. her crib, swing, in the stroller around a ton of noise! But night time is a different story.. We are doing what all the books/blogs/doctors say about stimulation during the day and silence/darkness at night. We are in a routine of bath time, lotion, night time bottle. But baby girl has bad gas, I mean really bad gas. I know her poor tummy hurts her, so I have been guilty of holding her at night so she will sleep for 3+ hours (and AJ and I can sleep too!) And I'm sure it's going to back fire on me. But they are only little once, right?? We do have our good nights where she will sleep in her crib, but she's on a 2 hour cycle so it's change diaper, feed bottle. burp, lie her down, put the paci back in her mouth and pat her butt (and put the paci back again.. and again) and then we get to finally lie down and it's time to do it all over again 30 minutes later! But I mean she IS a newborn.. newborn's aren't supposed to sleep! This too shall pass.. I tell myself that every night around 3am :)
DEVELOPMENT
My little girl was born at 37 weeks, so of course she was going to be little. But she was even small for a 37 weeker, so those first few weeks she really struggled. We were OVER THE MOON at her two week doctor's appointment when she had finally reached 6 whole pounds. We haven't been back since then, so I don't know exactly what she weighs, but I bet we are over 7 pounds now! She is finally starting to fill out those newborn sized clothes.. in fact, we will have to retire her newborn footed pajamas very soon because she is getting so dang tall! Her neck is so strong, and she is constantly picking it up to look around. She is so aware of her surroundings and is so wide eyed and alert to her Mama and Daddy. She has a firm grip on our fingers when we are holding her (both literally and figuratively, ha!) She is a wiggle worm and will be rolling over before we know it!
First month photo drop!
