Owning It

I went an entire year without a camera battery charger.. completely convinced I would find mine. I finally broke down right before Maddie's birthday and ordered one (those bad boys are $50!). The night before her party, I go to charge the thing, and it doesn't fit. So I frantically search for friends to take pictures of my ONLY child's FIRST birthday.. They turned out great, but I digress..I return it and order another one in time for Christmas, were I find myself frantic (again!!) trying to get the camera ready for my ONLY child's FIRST Christmas.. I capture some shots, thank goodness, and swear to myself I am going to do better with the next event. And what do you know, I lose the dang thing somewhere between Georgia and California. I had a charger for a grand total of 5 days. So I have had intentions of getting Christmas and New Years pictures up alllll week, but here we are. I can't get them off the camera until I have a charger, so I bought another one.... Maybe tomorrow.

That little rambling story (and the picture above) completely sums up our first week back on the left coast. Getting back in a routine, back on the right time zone, and back to our "normal" has been rough.. We have all been tired, and cranky, and had zero motivation to go back to the real world. I feel like we are constantly running around in circles, forgetting to do or get something! We are all wanting to go to bed super early, and REALLY missing all our people back home. Good thing we have some pretty cool Christmas gadgets to keep us distracted... 

The worst part of the week has been Maddie Jane's attitude. She was getting allllll the attention back in Georgia, and daycare has been quite the reality check. She has pushed every.single.one of my buttons this week. Hitting me, throwing tantrums, flat out refusing to listen.. I am constantly questioning how the heck I am qualified to be this little person's Mama. I have no clue if I am doing the right thing, no idea if I am raising her to be a good person. AJ tells me the fact that I am worried about doing it right, is a good sign in and of itself. But man I question it all time time. I find myself literally counting down the minutes to bedtime, only to want to wake her right back up the second I turn off her light.. Being a Mama is funny like that, huh? 

I was telling Amanda how they use to tell me how pleasant Maddie was at daycare and now all I hear are horror stories of her climbing on ANY and EVERY thing. I get so worried that she is going to be the token bad kid.. the one that pushes or bites or completely drives her teacher crazy. And just in the midst of all my worrying, I pick her up yesterday and Ms. Jenny tells me.. "Ya know, she is just advanced. She is climbing and being way more independent that a lot of my 2 year olds. And she may be a handful, but she is always pleasant." She used the exact word! It was like God was tapping me on the shoulder to relax for goodness sake! It was so calming hearing that little voice saying,  "You are doing a good job AG! You are trying your best and she WILL be a great person!"

So anywho.. I just wanted to own it today. Own the fact that I can't seem to get my blogging back on track, own that I am scared to death that I'm not being a good parent, and own that I haven't been the best mom or wife this week. Sometimes this blog gets wayyy too full of all the fluff and happiness and you never really see any of the bad days, crappy pictures, or temper tantrums. Just know I am saluting all you Mamas out there.. this job ain't always easy.. but it's always worth it.